


All grown up

by Qem



Category: Hikaru no Go
Genre: Coffee, Community: fifthmus, Gen, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-20
Updated: 2011-08-20
Packaged: 2017-10-22 21:25:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/242749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qem/pseuds/Qem
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kishimoto Kaoru and Touya Akira learned to play Go at around the same time. However you asked them what they had in common, their answers would be different and yet related - Akira would say that they went to the same school, and Kaoru would say that they were both frustrated by Shindou Hikaru.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All grown up

_****_**TITLE:** All grown up  
 **AUTHOR:**[](http://qem-chibati.livejournal.com/profile?mode=full)[ **qem_chibati**](http://qem-chibati.livejournal.com/)  
 **RECIPIENT:**[](http://thephoenixboy.livejournal.com/profile?mode=full)[ **thephoenixboy**](http://thephoenixboy.livejournal.com/) ([requests](http://community.livejournal.com/fifthmus/7366.html?thread=100806#t100806))  
 **PAIRING:** Gen  
 **WARNINGS:** None really.  
 **SUMMARY:** Kishimoto Kaoru and Touya Akira learned to play Go at around the same time. However you asked them what they had in common, their answers would be different and yet related - Akira would say that they went to the same school, and Kaoru would say that they were both frustrated by Shindou Hikaru.  
 **NOTES:** I checked the anime, and the first board in Hikaru's 6th grade has red hair so I'm placing this as when Kishimoto was an insei, for chronological reference.

Something like fifty-six percent of Japanese school children experience bullying directly.

* * *

Kishimoto smiled as the coffee can warmed his hands, straight from the vending machine. Though the coffee was black the way he liked it, it could only be described as sweet caffine and would be needed today - for though this was not expected to be a long match, it would be a complicated one, and one that Kishimoto has significant vested interest in following closely. Fifth dan, Shindou Hikaru greatest strength was speed go filled with surprising moves, and for the vast majority of his opponents once they had gotten sucked into Shindou's pace, the match was over.

Kishimoto doesn't have the time to play Go that much these days, but he always makes a point to follow Shindou's matches - the surprising moves Hikaru plays out, always help to remind Kishimoto about how the small actions one plays today can affect later decisions and that one must always remain on guard - no matter how harmless the opponent may seem.

There would be some souls who might think that Kishimoto was bitter about seeing how far a younger player, one who he had defeated easily when he was younger - moving past him, now defeating professional go players of higher ranks, and was on the fast track for achieving one of the most prestigious go player titles in Japan the Honinbou. A path that could only seem like a dream to Kishimoto Kaoru. But as Kishimoto's hands tightened around the can, all he could feel was relief as the caffiene coursed through his vains.

Kishimoto likes to think of Shindou-five-dan, as being his protogee, since he had pushed him on this path and there was something comforting about knowing that he had beaten this Go player, that he could of been there if he had chosen to. Or during his more paranoid moments that there was something relieving about the fact that the enigma that was Shindou was out of his life and any future interaction would be under Kishimoto's control.

Kishimoto knew very well the price he would of paid if he kept the path of a go player, and was well satisfied with his busy life as an intern at the law firm, with the occassional day, like today spent at the Go palour. Go was an intriguing game, but it could never be his life. Not like Shindou. And not like the purple edge that was the first thing that he saw on the screen once he had come through the door after finishing his coffee.

* * *

Touya Akira and Kishimoto Kaoru, by odd coincidence learned to play Go at the same time, though their ages were just two years apart. Both showed promise, as their uncanny ability to predict patterns aided them greatly, though the circumstances in which they learned differed greatly.

Touya had watched his fathers games for longer than he could remember, with the first actual lessons being painstakingly laid out teaching games, which he completed easily remembering the sorts of movements his father had explained. He enjoyed the quiet pleased smiles his father gave, and the words of encouragement from the other players who sometimes looked on, holding a steaming cup in their hands as they waited for their turn with Touya-sensei.

The player Akira remembered best during those early games was Ogata, who tended to have a calculating look as he looked on the games, one that Akira would later vaguely attribute to being a quest to discover a fundamental fatal weakness in his fathers game, something down in the very basics that he could use to influence the complicated lator matches.

(Ogata for what it's worth, if he had been asked - which he wasn't, would of attributed it to fascination that hands that tiny could hold Go stones so well.)

In comparison, Kaoru's first lesson was a sticky affair, with pieces of candy laid out on the Go board and a knowing wink from his grandfather who extracted a promise to keep it secret from their grandmother, who would be off making tea and coffee for his parents in another room.

Kishimoto learned to read his grandfather well, starting from the hints given by his favourite pieces of candy as to what would be the strongest move, which he used to extract other clues in body language when they started to play actual matches on a small nine by nine board.

Kaoru remembers his father watching from the background when it was time to go back home, and thinking that one day he would he would be strong enough to play his father.

(His father on the other hand remembers standing sentry, with a slight sense of unease on what would happen if his mother came into the room unexpectedly.)

* * *

The first time Akira finds out that Go can be anything other than wonderful is when he starts to play go with other small children. He finds it hard to relate to the other kids as they talk excitedly about the latest toy fads to come out, the movies that are in the cinema's and this weeks shounen jump. That isn't the problem though, since there are a couple who he likes and one that he thinks might just be a friend, the one who always talks to him excitedly about the game and push his abilities to go higher as the matches become more complicated.

The problem is when he hears one father threaten to throw his son out if he doesn't win this match. Akira, who's associations with the outside are mostly seething with plans of revenge against adults who are desperate for a cigarrette break, and dislikes chaos and arguments and can't think of anything more horrible than not having a warm home to protect you from cold bitter winds that push and pull and muck everything up and Akira knows that it's going to be a close match anyway...

Places a foundation stone, just to the right of the ideal position early in the match, and watches as the other boy eagerly takes advantage and... Bitterly regrets the decision.

It's only been a few years and Akira can't remember that sort-of friend's name anymore, but he always remembers the passion behind Go and that he should always treat the game with everything he has. Akira is sure that this will mark the difference between a real Go player and a child, and he always has vague hopes that perhaps one day he'll meet that sort of friend again and be able to apolgise, as one professional player to another.

The first time Kishimoto finds out that Go can be anything other than wonderful, is after his grandfather dies. It's not because anyone else will play with him - he's filled with great pride that he's made it to third board on his primary schools team, and his father plays the occassional match with him now. But it occurs when he overhears his mother talking to her friends about his grandfather's death and how his mother can't understand why his grandfathers sugar levels would be so high, since he'd been warned repeatly to lower his sugar intake from the doctor.

Kaoru sneaks back to his room and thinks about the spoonfuls of sugar his grandfather had enjoyed, and the hidden drawer full of candy, so that we can play a good game, his grandfather had winked.

It's a worried night he spends tossing and turning. The next day when his dad comes back late from work, he tells his father that he misses grandfather and would like to play a game of Go to remember him.

"Right, right", his father says, before frowning and adding on "A real game? Or one of those candy games?" There's a look of distaste at the thought of candy on the Go board.

Kaoru can see his father's distaste, and knows that the candy would be a truely bad idea. He quickly replies with, "No, I don't like sweets, I want a real game." And knows he made the right decision when his father praises him for being grown up now and pushes the thoughts of candy from his mind.

Not more than two years later Kishimoto can't remember when he stopped liking sweets, but knows that they leave a bad taste in his mouth. It doesn't matter anyway, sweets are for children and Kishimoto's on his way to being an adult now with responsibility - his greatly flattered that the teacher in charge of his school's Go club's has asked him to tutor some of the other kids outside of club time and is determined in his new found role.

* * *

Go pros come in and out of Akira's home, to socialise, to study and occassionally to work as his father wants his son's Go to progress and is worried that a lack of players may cause an adverse effect.

Akira never flinches from politeness as he talks to the players even when some make his skin crawl, like Okumara-sensei, a large fat man who has a tendency to sweat profusely or Ogata who Akira privately thinks is far to comfortable in their home as he asks for coffee instead of tea and doesn't show nearly enough respect to his father, considering that he still comes to their home to study Go games.

Akira's determined that one day he'll be able to rise to a position where they can never talk down to him again. Inside the privacy of his room, he studies until it's time to rest. The faster he grows the faster his father will see that he doesn't need a tutor and can stand equal with him.

  
Kishimoto isn't sure that his favourite teacher, the one that he sometimes sees in his uncles salon, Yun-sensei, is his favourite anymore. Well not that Yun-sensei actually is his teacher yet. But he will be! Kishimoto is definitely going to Kaio - it's where the majority of his friends are going and Kishimoto wants to stay with them.

Yun-sensei's suggested that Kishimoto should consider joining the insei, that he'll find it more of a challenge and that if Kishimoto's serious about becoming a Go player he should be considering it now, since most professionals start working their way towards titles in their teens. But that will make Kishimoto ineligible for the current tournament - and Kaoru can't abandon his team mates now! Not when the tournament is less than two months away.

Yun-sensei however comes back the next day and tells Kishimoto that there's going to be another opportunity to join the insei - just two weeks after the next tournament. Yun-sensei also reminds Kishimoto that he is always welcome to participate with them in the Go club, regardless of whether he is an insei or not.

Kishimoto isn't sure what to say to that - he wants to be stronger, but he wants to be stronger with his friends, not some distant stranger that he's never met. He's not sure that there's room as a professional player in his future anyway. Go is a lot of fun, but it's just a game, right? Could he really make a living doing this?

* * *

Akira thinks that maybe he was being a bit immature and hasty in judging Ogata. His father Kouyo , speaks highly of Ogata praising his steady growth and Akira can tell that his father looks forward to their matches. Akira's determined to catch up and over take though and he knows that it's only a matter of time. Ogata speaks about the new wave of Go players, which Akira always thought was a stratergy meant to unnerve his father and be a rude pointer towards the difference of age, but now Akira thinks that, just maybe it's a warning for himself as well.

Akira would hate to disappoint, so he's asked his father for a copy of Ogata's kifu, stating admiration of Ogata as a factor and has now allocated a period in his study schedule to focus solely upon it, right after studying his fathers latest matches and before he settles down to work on his plebian school work. He might not need highschool, but he's well aware that appearing educated can only work to his advantage in order to keep going along his path of being the strongest.

Kishimoto thinks that maybe he made a bit too hasty of a decision with joining the insei. There's no team work here, no friendship, no conversation, only competition. Some of the higher level insei have formed study groups, but their attitude... Kishimoto never knew that Go was so cut throat.

He's not sure if this is the path he wants, so he needs to keep his school work up, but he knows that if he's to survive in this place he needs to move up. He knows that caffiene can be used to promote alertness, but soft-drinks are far too sweet for his taste, so he starts getting coffee from the vending machines. It's perfect during the cold months and helps keep him alert after the long study session the night before. It makes it easier dealing with the other children his age, as they think of him as being mature and adult - someone to look up to. That's the sort of thing he needs in order to keep going.

* * *

Akira enjoys spending time at his father's salon. Nobody ever looks down on him here and the ones that do, soon get to make a hasty exit. It's true he's still treated like a child - with Ishikawa-san mothering over him attentively ("Would you like some biscuits? Something to drink?") but in the important things like Go, fiercly defends his ability. When people make snide comments about his father, or his ability, the regulars all jump to his defense and Ishikawa chases out the ones she considers insufficiently respectful (Akira could of sworn she almost went for the broom one time, in her haste to expel an uppity first dan) .

It's wonderful spending his afternoons here, much better than dealing with the jealousy and other immature emotions of others his age. He just can't understand playground politics, where no matter what he does it seems to be a loss - and it's just such a waste of his time to even try.

But Akira knows that he's winning something - when the regulars start to ask him for teaching games rather than offering. He wants to do this forever, just a little more preserverance and he'll be an adult amongst the professionals.

Kishimoto hates it with the insei. It's nothing like playing Go in school tournaments. It's like being part of a high pressure tournament all the time, with no one to treat you to dinner afterwoods. The difference is always made staggeringly clear on the days that he meets up with his Go club, where although he's not allowed to officially allowed to be a part, he's still allowed to come in and socialise.

Kishimoto feels great relief for his friends who drown out any dissenting cries that if he can't represent he shouldn't be here. He doesn't even hear a murmor any more - the girls team cracked down on it through and through, stating that the least Kaoru can do is help train replacements for his loss and exiling anyone that disagrees. He knows that there are double motives in this (double motives that do not necessarily work to his disadvantage) but it's nice to feel a part of something, when he's being so thoroughly excluded by the insei.

Still he can't help but feel that he's losing something other than his allowance, when he starts hiring a Go tutor to assist in improving his game. He wants to quit, but he tells himself just a little more preserverance and he'll be able to push past this platou he's found himself in.

* * *

The comfortable world that Akira achieved access to when his father told him that he was ready to take the pro test and that he no longer required a handicap in their games, which promises him greater access to the world of Go is no longer comfortable.

Shindou Hikaru is a frustrating enigma. He dances into Akira's life and then prances right out. He says the things that seem calculated just so to frustrate. This has to be an out of match technique - the sort that his father complains about being the bain of his life and Ogata agrees whole heartedly before launching into a tirade about the latest wrongs of Kuwabara-Honinbou... His hands don't even carry the worn calcuses of Go player who's been playing for many years. Worst of all is the way that he speaks so casually of Go, like it isn't important and then disappears so that Akira can not even challenge him to another game - someone who he can consider equal but his own age. It's like he's shown up just to spite Akira.

The ultimate result is that when Akira's found him again, he's determined to chase Hikaru so close that he'll never be able to escape again.

  
Kishimoto's comfortable world - the peaceful one where he's top of the game, and no longer has to deal with insei exclusion, snide comments in the background, is no longer comfortable. Just as he quit the insei - too late to join this tournament, all he can hear is the upheaval - Touya Akira is joining their school, but the very interesting thing is the strange new kid who showed up and embarrassed the tournament officials - defeating Kaio in the quarter finals, only to be revealed that he was only a 6th grader.

It's Shindou that he finds frustrating. He knows Hikaru isn't an insei, Touya is a challenge one can expect, but Shindou feels like the sort of person who just learnt how to play over night - no one knows anything about him. Even the damn shougi player at least has a history - he used to join Go tournaments before he moved into shougi. It's like someone selected the Haze players in calculation of the ultimate insult, with Hikaru's games reiterating this fact. The games switch from someone not taking the match seriously to absolute brilliance is a crushing blow to students who had been trying their very best.

The result is that Kishimoto has come back just in time to watch the school team that he helped build up, lose to a shougi player. But the real insult - after all of those calculated facts, is when it turns out that the brat is too young to even be in this tournament! It's like he's shown up just to spite Kishimoto for quitting the insei.

* * *

Akira finds the other children his age quite strange, but he needs to be a part of this club if he wants to meet up with Hikaru once again. Some of the students are nice, some of them are weird. None of them are quite at his level.

Kishimoto finds Akira a triffle bizarre, he's always quiet, always polite but his existance means an upheaval. The first years give him a tough time, but the older students - the ones who respect Kishimoto and also the humilation of the match with the no-name school of Haze are more inclined to give Touya a chance.

* * *

Akira can not understand that frustrating Shindou! It is humiliating to play third board, leaves him no chance for a possible challenge, infuriates the already exasperated Kaio Go club, but Akira can not miss this chance to play Hikaru. If Hikaru won't come to him, Akira will force him too. What ever it takes, Akira will achieve the hand of God and he will shine.

Touya hears something about how is it that a completely unknown outsider can cause the "ice prince" Touya to completely lose his temper, but he doesn't care. They'll know once they see Shindou's strength exactly what makes it special.

* * *

One thing that Kishimoto and Touya agree on with that horribly disappointing match, is that Hikaru could not have come up with a better way to piss Touya off and play down the importance of the tournament.

Akira moves off, no longer concerned with the Kaio Go club, he's told the teacher that he's staring as a professional in April so can therefore no longer participate in tournaments. It leaves Kishimoto wondering, what just happened and how can he hold the rest of the club together.

* * *

Kishimoto sips his coffee. It's black just the way he likes it, straight from the coffee machine - just what he needs to stay alert. Kishimoto's finally found that Shindou character and has decided to get a more honest evaluation. Shindou is still an enigma. If he took only the last matches results and this, it would be an astounding growth of a player. If he takes the circumstances around it, and the tournament from last year it's really weird. Hikaru has this angry look on his face, like he's giving this match everything he has... But this is nothing compared to some of the kifu Kishimoto's seen already.

Kishimoto carefully watches Hikaru over his cup. If this is to pysch him out, he won't lose. He'll conceed a Go match, but never his composure. That's one good thing he's learned through the insei. The ignorance Shindou demonstrates in the conversation is laughable. Even Touya deserves better than the disrespect of someday I'll catch up. Kishimoto really can't understand what Touya saw in this boy, or why you would want to.

While Kishimoto thinks that he's already passed his prime with Go - most players become professionals as teens and Kishimoto is determined to not be one of the amatures that return over and over again only to fail against the insei... He gives Hikaru the most clear warning he possibly can - take Go seriously or you will be laughed out. Kishimoto hopes for at the very least, that this tournament will be treated seriously with the respect that it deserves.

He supposes he shouldn't be too surprised when Hikaru fails to even appear.

It's much to Kishimoto's suprise that not even a year later, over a cup of coffee in his uncles salon - Yun-sensei is telling Kishimoto about Hikaru and how his game has improved significantly, defeating a Korean insei. The boy who never seemed to take Go seriously has moved further than Kishimoto ever will. Kishimoto feels a moment of jealousy - but then he remembers the results of the debating competition earlier - and the pride and challenge he found as he could both acknowledge and be acknowledged in his ability.

Kishimoto remembers the quiet boy who never looked back and the loud one who caused the Kaio club to be turned upside down. He remembers the stress and second guessing, and thinks that politics seems a nice and relaxing hobby to take up after all of this.


End file.
